你

有多久没见你？
数过，记下，
还是被白雪覆盖。
痕迹被淹没。
大概，是在上个冬季，
装着你的飘忽倩影，提起背包离开。

有十一次，
与周公下棋。
局局却一败涂地。
因为你，意外看见你，
轻轻的，柔柔的，
在千军万马奔腾里，
仙女下世。

霎那，呆了痴了懵了。

“将军！”
周公拂袖而起。
等着他，是另一场棋局；
等着我，是赫然一惊醒。
独留我与蓝天对饮吗？

你消失了，空气残留你的空气。
轻轻飘散，慢慢逝散。
你真的出现了？
对不起，迪卡尔。
怀疑被遗弃了。

一切是虚幻？
是也无妨，
可以看见你，就可以了。

等等待待，待待等等。
真正遇见你，毫无预兆。
不是仙女，也是公主，
倚靠在对街灯柱旁。

那一刻，
六十一亿人口只剩两个，加一根灯柱。
纵然是心里喊出的声音，
也会传到你那吧？
你听到吗？
“嗨，好久不见，你好吗？”
最好你听到。
因为，
招手的勇气，招呼的气力，
一直冲不出心房。
呼天叫地，呐喊只在心里。

对街，一个公主，一个侏儒。

眼睁睁，静静地，
你离开了。
这次，空气里没有你的空气。
只有，缅怀走在过去。

下一次，是在南柯，
还是大千世界呢？
没有答案。

“周公，请多多指教。”

文笔生疏了，初衷的感发不见了

最近，去找了一些日剧来看。不过，却都是围绕着白色巨塔的故事。一直都觉得，日剧比起香港剧，韩剧，台湾偶像剧，更深得我心，尽管我也是看香港连续剧长大的。人家都说，日剧最吸引人的地方，是她不拖泥带水，俐落地直入戏肉。我还想加上一点：比起其他国家的戏剧，往往日剧更能让我深思，甚至领悟。当然，也不能以偏概全，毕竟有些日剧的确荒唐无比，只供娱乐性质观看。

打着体现人性善恶及社会真实面貌为主题的这些日剧，论其真实性，我不敢断定有百分之百为真。戏剧里的人物，有些会从头恶事做尽至尾，最后恶有恶报；有些会中途突然停下，回头发现真善美；有些则坚持自己的理念到底，影响周围的每一个人。。。每一个人物，尽管都是虚构的角色，却是人性的真实演绎。一边看，一边脑海想着现实的确不乏这类事情，那类人物，还真是害怕，并担忧起来。别说那不关我们的事，或者那只是虚构的故事。这社会出现病态，基层的你我都会深受影响，甚至有责任，通过各自的管道去纠正它。我们就是社会，社会就是我们。

抱歉，言重了。大概是因为最近都没有咬文嚼字，心中那股郁闷恨不得爆涌而出，把种种不平不公不正都一一击垮。。。崭新一年，还是怀抱希望，乐观看待一切比较好，对吧？不过，这也许意味着我会和许多人一样，把见不得客人的尘埃及污垢都扫进地毯下，当作看不到，当作一切安好。所以如今我看新闻，虽然只是扫读标题，速读内容，但我还是在脑中搁出个空间，摆放它们。不太多地去耽心，却也不让自己跟丢。这就是我现在的方向。纵然，这个方向，也许会使我渐渐失去那敏锐感也说不定。算了，回家后再重整吧！

“在救人的现场，不会有所谓的侮辱、企图、嫉妒，就是想救这个人，就只有如此。”

这句话是出自戏里的一个医生。当时，我脑海里浮现的字眼，是圣殿。我也不知道为何，大概是突然深深折服于那些医生角色了吧！坚持自己的立场，捍卫自己的理念，不为五斗米折腰，纯粹做好一名医生，救治需要救治的人。政坛，杏坛，任何领域，其实本是圣殿，身负着为他人，为下一代造福的重任。然而却无以避免地出现所谓的害群之马，或者小拿破仑，把圣洁都玷污了。还好，戏里的故事总是以爱作为一切的句点。友爱，亲爱，情爱，丝丝乱麻也随爱而回归一条直线，完美结局。还有另一点是，关于生命之轻重的阐述，他们都诠释得很感动人心，不禁令人重新思考生命，展望人生。

不过，现实是否也能如此呢？戏剧，毕竟是虚构的。有时，看着现实里那些不可理喻的事情发生，还真是怀疑，我们会不会把希望放在口边太甚常，以至忘记了希望本身也是个未知数。仿佛把希望挂在口边，一切就会明朗化。希望，会不会太沉重了呢？那么，与其把全部都交给希望，倒不如用实际行动代替她，轻一轻她的负担。少说话，多做事，不是一直都有人如此提倡吗？一切，都在于你我的手心中。

久违了的文笔，果然生疏了。本来只是想借近来看日剧的一些感发写一写文字，结果又兜回严严肃肃的，实在“太有方向感”了。写着写着，甚至会有那种想放弃不写的感觉呢！少看书，少接触新事物，少了思绪上的碰撞，难道我真的落得不回家不成仁吗？

这是篇乱糟糟的文章，我只有如此来结尾。还是继续让我的听觉铺满这背景音乐算了吧！

...

Where did i go during the winter holidays? Well, i didn't go to 長野 to meet with others. I just stayed in 函館 for some days, before travelling around some places of 北海道. Overall, it was a nice holidays, though part of me is feeling pity for not being able to meet with others in 長野, haha! Well then, i will just upload some pictures from my holidays here.

Candles, which formed a heart, was one of the event of the Christmas Fantasy of 函館. I think the best place to celebrate Christmas is 函館, with the atmosphere and the events.

登別といえば、熊牧場...When you talk about 登別, it must be the bear pasture. So, we went to the famous bear pasture. And the conclusion of our trip, sorry i couldn't say it here. Anyone who is interested, please go and experience it yourself.

Don't misundertand, the bear was not saying hello to you, he was just hoping you to give him some fruits to eat.

Marine park of 登別, with the penguin walking parade. Another place where you could see the penguin walking parade is 旭山動物園. We did plan to go there, but it was closed on the day we first planned to go. Though this marine park is quite small, there were performances by dolphin, sea-dogs too, and a big aquarium ( but i must say the 大阪 one is much better).

But this is the fish that i didn't see in 大阪 aquarium. They hide their bodies under the sand, then slowly rise up, but never leave the whole body out from the sand. Quite funny to see them rising and hiding again.

One of the places that i wish to visit again, 時代村 of 登別. We missed the outdoor ninja show as the show is only opened during summer. But we really enjoyed the trip, especially the samurai standing at the entrance. He shouted at us all in a sudden, and we thought that he was going to use his swords to 'attack' us! Well, that was just actually his way to welcome us.

　
We reached 札幌 after that. The picture shows one of the statues in 大通公園. 希望, don't lose it easily, ok?

The illumination of 札幌. That was the only attraction for us in 札幌 as other places were closed due to new year eve. Quite weird actually, as we Malaysia won't close those shops or tourist attractions though it is new year eve. Is it a good point then? May be some will say, it shows how Japanese value the new year eve, which is to spend along with their family. Then, how about those who go out overnight to celebrate new year in Malaysia?

The next stop is 小樽. And here is the must visit music box factory of Otaru. You can make your own music box there too! Just one thing, it could be quite expensive in the end.

There are many types of music box selling there. Just make sure you don't spend your time hesitating in which to buy.

Sushi of 小樽 is the best i have ever had before! 最高! You don't want to miss that, do you?

Here we are, the famous canal of 小樽.

Then i went for a 3 days gathering to meet with other international students from other schools.

But actually the main event was to play skiing or snowboarding. This time, i managed to play well, though there were still some tumblings. I was really happy when i finally could control my speed, and even manage to slide with my back facing the downhill! YEAH! It was a great achievement for me, comparing to my first time.

Recently, there was hardly any sparkling in my mind. Obviously, watching the snow mountain didn't give me any idea at all. May be i have surrendered myself to wait until the day i'm home, then only i repack myself...

Snowboarding

My body is aching now. My neck, my back, my waist, my legs...all thanks to my first time snowboarding.

Well, overall, it was a great day. The weather was fine, with the sunny blue sky and no cold wind blowing. We set off early in the morning. There were 7 of us, and there were 4 beginners including myself. “Don’t worry, snowboarding is easy.” My friend kept saying the same thing. But I know myself very well. I don’t afraid of high, but speed! Sliding all the way down from the top with the high speed, could I handle it well?

This is the place then, the Snow Mountain. There were many people, though it was just the opening day of that ski field. There were some 5 or 6 years old kids too, who are more skillful than me. Can’t imagine when and how they learn to be so skillful. I guess they must have been through the same thing as me: aching body (?)

After some bit of lessons from my friends, “Ok, you are doing well, let’s start our day then!” we took the small cable car to the top of the hill. Well, seeing those people passing the ski run by relaxingly, I guessed it was not so difficult after all. Not until I reached the top, and saw the ski slope! Ok, no other ways to go down but to slide down. Let’s go!

This was my snowboard. I didn’t buy it. My Friend lent it to me. It was my only company through out the ski run. So, if you want to know how many times I had been tumbling all the way down, you better ask it then. I guess it was countless. I couldn’t help myself but felt embarrassing, especially when I was blocking other people way, or I couldn’t stop my speed and almost bumped into others.

It was an unforgettable moment though, watching the blue sky while lying on the snow after another tumbling. I did take my time to enjoy the white world around though, when I was sitting there, panting after another tumbling. Sounds like I was enjoying myself, right?

The second time and so on, I think I was getting better, even though I tumbled again and again. At least the time I took to go down from the top was getting shorter in the end. That was a good sign. However I won’t dare to say that I am now good in snowboard. I’m pretty sure that I will get tumbling again the next time. Oh, I could feel the pain of tumbling though I was just thinking about it. It was freaking painful! Ok, may be it is because I am not so tough actually, ha!

Smile from your heart everyday at least one time. I did it, though my body was shouting for tiredness, and aching had taken over my body already...

P/S: the snowboard i was holding in the last photo, is belonged to my friend.

"How much is it?"

"10......"

"Ok. May I take a photo with this?"

"As you wished...."

So, the one that i was holding, don't play play oh!

黄色衣服有感

我很少穿黄色的衣服。若没记错，我应该只有一件黄色的衣服。那件唯一的黄色衣服，很特别，很有意义，因为是我哥哥去德国时买回来送给我的纪念品。本来他也有一件同样款式的，颜色倒不是黄色，是什么我也忘了。但很不幸的，他的那件给偷掉了。我也只能赞那个小偷有眼光，一眼就看出我哥哥的那件衣服来自德国。还好，我周围大概没有类似那个小偷般有眼光的人，所以一直都安全地把它从怡保带到吉隆坡，再从吉隆坡穿到来日本。

没来日本前，大约都有听闻这里的年轻一代很注重外表衣着。果然，还真令我一次又一次地大开眼界。你想穿什么，怎么穿，就穿吧！虽然我非常不明白的是，冬季风寒，她们还可以短裤短裙逛街去，但我还是不得不佩服他们对流行趋势的掌握及追踪。才十多岁而已，却是流行趋势的最前锋。只可惜，我没有近朱者赤，依然是那个土里土气的书生，辜负了大伙儿了！（我可以想象当我与那班故友见面时的对话了：“又是这种长裤，又是这种衣服，昌元啊，in点啦！”然后，我就会以光良的歌回应：“I am who I am。。。”）

算了，这不是我要说的重点，还是回到那件黄色衣服。

话说，上个周末，那件黄色衣服轮班值地轮到它穿在我身上。首先必须注明，那是个星期六。星期六，又会有什么问题呢？当然没有。那么如果，我穿着那件衣服的地点改为吉隆坡，又会怎样呢？星期六，周末，黄色衣着，意味着什么呢？我不禁心里盘算一番，开始在想，若周末我身在首都，我会，或者我敢以黄色衣着走在街上吗？

答案是，我不敢。很没种？哈，明明时常把批判穿梭在文字里，到了实际情况，却连件衣服都不敢穿，还真是没种。俗语说，秀才遇上兵，有理说不清。万一有人向我问话，我可不知怎么解释，这件黄色衣服，不是什么清洁什么的，而是意义深重的亲情纪念品。突然想起那时配合UNESCO而来到函馆的泰国学生们。有天我们被安排去与市长会面时，他们都穿上了黄色衣服。我以为，黄色是他们国家的象征之一。却原来，是他们对他们的皇室，也就是泰国国王的一种尊敬。甚至，从去年的泰王登基60周年纪念开始的每个星期一，他们都会穿上黄色衣衫，以表示对泰王的拥护及爱戴。

不要忘记，不只是泰国，黄色对大马而言，也是皇室及最高元首的象征之一。大马国家足球队，钩球队，甚至其他国家代表队伍，很多都是以黄色作为制服的主要颜色。曾几何时，身穿黄色衣服会招来异样看待，甚至被请到警局坐上两小时，尽管你只是个13岁小孩！

不过，我相信，此时此刻在首都各个角落，仍有许多人不避嫌地穿着黄色衣衫走在大街小巷上。如果不是，请纠正我，毕竟我实在不清楚真实的情况是什么。大概，也是如常般的吧！那么，若有关当局真的有意散布白色恐怖的气氛，我不得不说，他们在我身上成功了——至少使我在穿上黄色衣衫前会再三思考。当然，这种所谓的白色恐怖，不能与台湾当年般相提并论。不过，不管是什么地方什么国家，我们都应该尽量避免同样的事端重演！

这两个月来，我都只是抱着跟进最新消息的心态去阅读每天的新闻。新闻，也只是看看标题，再轻轻瞄瞄内容，就结束了。回首这下半年，我们的家园，还真是多事之秋呢！如今，还要来个大水灾，还真是一波未平，一波又起。我没有感叹再三，也许是真的麻木了，没那么心痛了。不变的他们，同时也是不变的我的生活，几乎没有交集点。所以，放在心上就可以了，不用苦恼那么多。我可以做的事，时机未到。重要的，是眼前。

让生命的重量呈现其最灿烂的光彩，追逐梦去吧！（好像又有点语无伦次了。。。哈，久没拔剑，果然剑真的生锈了！）

无题

最近，天气冷，卧在被窝里真的很舒服。尤其是早上，睡惺忪忪的，几乎都不能立刻爬起身来。以前，就算阳光一丝照进来，眼睛一睁自然醒；如今，尽管闹钟两个响了响，倒头又是梦乡去。

惊觉，我好像变得更易睡，更赖床。
午觉，我也开始有了那习惯。一个我一直认为是浪费时间的习惯。

怎么了？我又问自己了。不然，我还可以问窗口的。不过，他现在正忙着与寒风斗阵，分身乏术，还是问蓝海吧！也有几个月，我没拜访他了。

蓝海说，我是他身上的一条船，没有航向，随波逐流。
我皱眉一问：有那么严重吗？
蓝海说，剑收起来，但不该任由它生锈。
我扯开话题：挥剑会起剑锋，人家会怕，然后纷纷拿着盾进来。
蓝海说，三分钟热度，不要期望水会沸腾。
我推卸责任：还不是因为你蓝海海水盖顶，三分钟热度当然一浇就灭。
蓝海说，许下的承诺，要保管好，别让它溜走。
我缩小范围：我可没向女生许下什么诺言啊！

蓝海最后说，我不见了东西。
我轻轻说声：多谢指引。

有些东西不见了，你没命似的去找，最后会在某个角落头找到它。
有些东西不见了，你不需翻天覆地，过了些时候，它也会突然出现在你面前。
有些东西不见了，蓦然回首，原来它就在你背后，一直紧跟着你。
有些东西不见了，你会通过其他事物，仿佛是个触媒般，让你想起它在那。
但，有些东西，不见了，就是不见了。不管你怎么找，怎么等，它都不会回来。
我不见了什么，蓝海没有仔细说出来。但我却非常清楚，我不见的，有找不回的，也有需要触媒来帮忙的。

其实，正确来说，我说不上是不见东西。
而是，我忘了。

我忘了，我曾经想努力不懈地传承火炬；
我忘了，我心中的火种曾经被熊熊点燃；
我忘了，我收过不少的感发及道路指标；
我忘了，这是第几次我在迷宫回到原点；
我忘了，我忘了，我忘了。。。。。。

最重要的是，我忘了，for I will not pass this way again。

糊里糊涂，走到这，也写到这。突然想起朋友说过，如果是昌元的话，不会有问题的。好重的一句话，还真不敢担起来。我真的可以吗？很少如此问自己。向来都是，既来之，则安之。还真随性随意呢！这不重要吧？因为，一切只是在于我自己捉不稳，握不紧，轻易就松懈，才有了如此糊里糊涂的这一刻，及这一篇文章。

Christmas Fantasy 点灯式

Ok, how shall I start this? Exam is over, a holiday is coming. But before that, homework is banking. What else? Another 3 months before going back home sweet home. You might think that what I am thinking all the while is just going back to Malaysia. Well, you are right. I miss home……especially in this cold season! No, I am not talking about the coldness, but the slippery walking on the icy snow! Oh, it is liked a nightmare, which visits you everyday (actually only those days with the icy snow road!). Just wait until you have the chance to walk on it, then you will know what I mean.

Ok, Christmas Fantasy 点灯式, what is this all about? Er…a special event held only in Hakodate from 1st of December to 25th of December, celebrating Christmas. There will be a special ceremony at 6 o’clock everyday, where the chosen one can go up to the stage ａｎｄ push a button to light up the beautiful lights around the bay area. Did my explanation make sense? For your information, every year this event attracts applications from all over the country to be the chosen one. Guess what, we were lucky enough to be chosen!

Snowing cats and dogs…our clothes were collecting snow after walking for some while.

There is a big Christmas tree behind the main stage. It changes its colors every 5 minutes, i think.

Then we got dressed with the Santa Claus costume.

We were asked to ride on this 'car' to enter the ceremony. It was freaking cold, could be below Celcius, i guess. And the snow had no mean to stop!

Ok, we were on the stage. Everyone was asked to speak some words. What did I say? "It is very cold now, but I am enjoying it very much!" The wind was strong, as we were at the bay area.

It was a simple ceremony. Just push the buttons in front of us when the countdown was over. And then some fireworks finally put an end to this ceremony. That's all. It was a great experience after all, being on the stage, facing a lot of people. But may be it is better to be the audience. At least there won't be any spotlight on the audience that make me couldn't see around clearly. Nevermind, I will have another chance to attend this ceremony again. And I know it well that that will be much more colder at that time.